• jennacanpaint

A Pandemic Business turned into Self Discovery

Something very scary happens when you pursue art for a job. You compare yourself to everyone else around you, every compliment is questioned, and every critique is stored as another reason your work is not good enough. And yet I haven't received a single complaint from a client of mine...

I started my business because I wanted to dive back in to what I really love: Events. It was 2021 and the world was barely getting back into being close with one another. I was burnt out from the zoom calls and virtual chats, but I deeply missed witnessing life changing moments. That is why I got into the hospitality industry in the first place. I logged off, once again, from my desk job to simply spin my office chair around facing my tiny apartment. I got off the chair, grabbed a protein bar, and sat on the kitchen floor to begin painting again.

I felt alone and had major imposter syndrome. There were hundreds of extremely talented and well deserving hospitality professionals, producers, general managers, waitresses, bartenders... and I still had my job but felt immensely unfulfilled. I was selling digital events and well.. I didn't love it. I deeply missed the interactions I had with clients, the thrill of making someone night by going above and beyond. It only felt natural that as I sat down to continue a landscape canvas, I saw on TikTok that wedding painters were trending.

Painting set me free and gave me that outlet I desperately craved to know I made a difference in an already life altering event. The look I see on couple's faces when I reveal a painting, the chats I have with their relatives between dance breaks, and the thumbs up I receive from the shyest child made my new job an absolute dream.

A year went by and I still felt that lump in my heart. I didn't believe anyone anymore, and I stopped believing in myself. What once set me free became extremely overwhelming. I felt pressure to create and would stare at a blank canvas for hours. I didn't feel I deserved my business anymore. So I took my website down and said it is time for some reflection. I read. I went to museums. I studied and visited paintings that inspire me. I sat in landscapes that took my breath away. I cried. I forgave myself for needing time.

I asked myself "Do you believe art is for everyone?"

"Yes, of course I do." I responded.

"Then why don't you believe it is for you as well?"

"Do you believe events are for everyone?"

"Everyone deserves to celebrate."

What I didn't see was that my business was helping to create a world I believe in. Perhaps my art journey is also a reflection of myself and how hard and scary it is to love yourself proudly on display.

So I declare that I will love myself and I will share my art. For this because I believe art is for everyone and everyone deserves to celebrate.

Brian Paumier (American) Act of Faith, 2014 Unique cuadros, archival pigment prints on panel with resin

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